I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your cock deserves a montage
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize