The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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