this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
