11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
