If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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