Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
