Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
