things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
