apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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