it's like iHOP with fire
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
