Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He told me they were just razor bumps!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
