i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
