i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
