so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
