Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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