I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
