i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
