so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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