Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
