genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
