remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
