The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
