babies were throwing up all over the place
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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