No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
