My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
