I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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