I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize