cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
