If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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