I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize