Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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