Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
