I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
