smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
