It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
