I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
