So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
