i wish my penis had a tongue
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
