I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
