No awkward lesbian experiences without me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
