i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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