2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
