One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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