Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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