I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
