So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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