it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize