You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
