Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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