I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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