I can't breathe out the right side of my face
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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