It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
