i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize