I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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