I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
