The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
