I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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