great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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