I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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