I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
