Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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