Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
