No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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