what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
