Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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