is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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