it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
