Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
