i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
