Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
