My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize