was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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