its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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