I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
