her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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