eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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