im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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