You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
