Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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