butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
