no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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