well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
