thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
