My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
