Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
