you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
