I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
